Will you become lazy and undisciplined?
“What if I become lazy? What if I become undisciplined?”
I have heard from not just one, not just two, but more than 10 women say this in our coaching sessions.
This is almost like the default question that pops up when she starts to think about being kinder to herself.
She is not happy, and that pressing feeling at her chest is suffocating. She is starting to see how being so hard on herself is draining her.
So, she tells me in a reluctant tone.
“Perhaps… perhaps I can be kinder to myself.”
Often with tears in her eyes.
She feels relieved for a brief moment.
Then, there would be doubt arising in her eyes.
“What if I become lazy? What if I become undisciplined?”
She’s scared.
She wants to be kinder to herself, but she’s scared.
She has achieved so much by being hard on herself, by pushing herself to do things she doesn’t like to do.
To be kind to herself?
Damn, what if she is really just a lazy bum deep down and she will jeopardize everything that she has built?
What if she loses her ability to be disciplined and everything just starts crumbling down?
Being kind to herself seemed like the easier way out.
The less disciplined way, a slippery slope downhill.
I want to let you know that it’s absolutely not true.
Choosing to be kind to yourself requires immense discipline.
It’s not the easy way out.
Do you know that it’s not like flipping a switch, where you decide to be kind to yourself and then you can immediately do it?
You have years of hard-wired mental and emotional habits.
To rewire your habits require intention and discipline.
It’s so much easier to just wallow in your default pattern, start beating yourself up when things don’t go well.
This actually requires no mental effort because your mind is already an expert at doing so.
It doesn’t feel great when you do this to yourself, but you’re already so good at it.
But to be kind to yourself when things didn’t go well?
To be kind to yourself after you made a mistake?
That, that is hard.
So, don’t worry that you’re going to lose your discipline when you start being kind to yourself.
The process of choosing to be kind to yourself is already an act of discipline itself.
It requires discipline to speak kindly to yourself.
It requires discipline to choose rest when it’s easier to flip open the laptop and work.
It requires discipline to choose to forgive yourself when there are mistakes.
It requires discipline to reframe “I suck” to “I can keep growing” when you receive constructive feedback.
So, here I am reminding you again,
Self-compassion and being kind to yourself is not the easy way out.
In fact, for many of us it’s so damn hard.
Yet, we must not give up.
It’s the door towards success that actually feels good, without constantly feeling like you’re not good enough.
It’s the door that allows you to stretch yourself, take risks, and face setbacks without feeling like you’re being crushed.
It’s the door that allows you to dream bigger and expand your capacity without burning out.
So, give yourself permission to be kind to yourself.
I wonder, if you choose to be 10% kinder to yourself, what is one thing you’ll start doing or stop doing?
Share and let me know. I would love to witness you.
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