What is your first reaction when you look at your own photo?
Yesterday, I was looking at a picture of myself from a gathering, and I thought –
“Oh, I look beautiful.'
I paused for a moment.
Huh…...
I used to immediately zoom in on my most unflattering parts.
My thick arms and big thighs.
I used to compare myself with others in a group picture.
Look at how long and slim her legs are.
Look at how her face is a nice egg shape, and mine looks round round.
Look at how muscular her arms are.
Today, I have come to not scrutinize my every part and criticize them.
And I see a fine woman.
Of course, I don’t think I look great in all photos – cue double chin, half-opened eyes, flabby arms, etc.
Did I actually become more beautiful?
Maybe yes, maybe no.
Beauty is so subjective anyway.
I just stopped looking at a picture of myself and immediately focused on all the “flaws” I see.
I don’t know when this shift happened.
Was it a few years ago when I stopped berating myself so much in my head?
Was it the meditation, coaching, and therapy over the years?
I don’t know.
But a little voice in my head says –
Ah, this is how self-compassion shows up in little moments in life.
I came across some old pictures of my younger self from 10 years ago.
She looks young, beautiful, and bright.
Though, I recall that I did not feel that way.
I thought I looked fat and not pretty back then.
Looking with today’s eyes, I felt quite unbelievable.
How is she fat?
Why on earth does she think that she’s not pretty?
Maybe I was comparing myself with celebrities on MTV or Wah Lai Toi back then.
If only I was looking at myself with much kinder eyes.
Today, I invite you to look at yourself in the mirror and your pictures with kinder eyes.
Eyes that appreciate, instead of criticize.
Eyes that acknowledge, instead of judgment.
Self-compassion is not just some big gestures, like an expensive holiday or a relaxing spa.
It is cultivated daily through how you speak to yourself, and how you see yourself.
It will take time and you may not even notice it when it takes form.
But be assured, it is taking form.
How nice it is, to walk around the world feeling that you are enough?
Maybe, one day you would walk past a big glass, seeing your reflection and say – "Huh, I look really fine."
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